#shoutouts to the shadowgast fandom for being absolutely feral

[hello-eeveev]

Self Rec Tag Game

tagged by @spottedenchants thank you!!!

Rules: Share five of your own fanworks (fic, art, etc.). Then, tag five more people to share the things they've made.

1.something you absolutely adore

On the Nature of Attraction

T, Essek/Caleb, 7.5k

What more can I say about this fic that I haven't already? It's a very vulnerable fic that came from a very vulnerable place. It means a lot to me, and I love that it seems to mean a lot to other people. Sometimes art is sending out a call and receiving the answer: you're not alone. That, and I truly do just like it. I like the story, I like the pacing, I like how I wrote Essek's inner monologue. Unironically, it's a banger.

2. something that was challenging to create

All Things End, All Things Change

T, Essek/Caleb, 2.8k

Fun fact: this is an entirely different fic from what I had intended it to be at the outset. I had been planning an Essek POV romp through Aeor where the main tension was pining that would culminate in hand-holding that's not explicitly romantic but they both kinda know what's going on. Instead I got Caleb POV emotionally devastating choice in Aeor where the main tension is pining for power that you know isn't worth the risk and for a past you can never return to. Does result in hand-holding though, so good for them :) One thing I learned in this fic (and re-learning in the current fic I'm working on) is that Caleb's darker moods are more difficult for me to write than, say, Essek's. And once I get that internal feeling down, it's hard to figure out how much of that should be revealed through dialogue, what exactly should be revealed, and how should it be revealed. It requires some real intentional thought, a lot of brain power and brain space, makes my dopamine-starved adhd brain go noooooo lol That said, I am particularly proud of how I explored why Caleb chose Essek and Essek alone to accompany him to the T-Dock. I think I hit on some tasty stuff there.

3. something that makes you laugh (or smile, if that fits more comfortably)

oh, by the way (also on tumblr with a small coda here)

G, Beau & Caleb, 932

This fic gives me a chuckle every time. It's got all the hits: empire siblings, Caleb playing a silly little prank, Beau's over-the-top reaction to said prank, the "Yasha doesn't get how Sending works" gag. Beau is a fun POV to write. I don't swear much in my day-to-day life and I am not prone to irritation or anger much at all, but those are pretty key to Beau's voice, especially in this little scenario I've crafted for her, so it was fun to play around in her headspace during this low-stakes, overdramatic moment she finds herself in.

4. something that surprised you (in how it turned out, how much other people liked it, etc.)

The Shadowhand Becomes A Baker

G, Essek/Caleb, 2.1k

My first critrole fic! This one surprised me in a couple of ways. Before this fic, I had thought that a beauyasha wedding one-shot I planned shortly after the c2 finale would be the first critrole fic I published, then I thought that I would re-spec a ramble about the relationship between Essek and the Bright Queen and publish that as my first critrole fic, then Ephred the Shadow Baker showed up and my twitter moots convinced me it was Essek in disguise (still holding on to that belief btw) and then I wrote this fic in 2-3 days before anyone else had the same idea. And I was so pleasantly surprised by how kind and eager shadowgast fic readers were! I had seen it ofc, but it's different to be on the receiving end. Before writing critrole fic, I had written some Fire Emblem fics that existed in corners that were far less active than shadowgast in general, much less shadowgast in 2021, so I had not been expecting such an enthusiastic response. It also surprised me that several people complimented my descriptions of the baked goods because at least two of them involved citrus in pastries, which is something I actually hate. I just pretended that someone might like them for the exact reason I hate them and really leaned in to everything I hate about cinnamon rolls that have orange in them. Turns out when you do that, you get some really vivid descriptions. So... writing tip, I guess?

5. something you want other people to see

How to Rest Chapter 1

G, Essek/Caleb, 3.2K

Shadowgast first date! This chapter makes me so soft! Back in my rom-com era! They have a picnic! They stargaze! Caleb flirts! Essek bluescreens! It is one of the joys of my life to make the wizards be awkwardly in love with each other (or, in this case, not quite in love yet, but on their way there), and this date is chock full of it. The hello and goodbye are two of my favorite moments. I really enjoy the imagery and how I conveyed the very blush-y, awkward first-date dynamic. I also love their conversation and Essek's subsequent introspection while they're stargazing. It's sweet and tender and layered, and I got to make a subtle nod to one of my favorite Fire Emblem games and the role that made me fall in love with Matt Mercer in the first place because sometimes two of your favorite ships are about people finding each other against all odds and who knows why their lives are intertwines, but man, are we glad they are.

tagging: @awesomefrogofawesome, @astrasia, @esseekthelyss, @quinn-of-aebradore, @cogsandsprings